Read Sh*t My Dad Says Online Free - After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."
"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."
|Title||:||Sh*t My Dad Says|
|Number of Pages||:||159 pages|
May 27, 2010
Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion tha...
March 01, 2017
Well, this was fun!
I actually liked I Suck at Girls a tad better, but I think it's because I read that one first. And while Halpern's father is extremely funny, once you hear a few of his zingers the magic wears off a bit.
The gist? I think everyone already knows about this book and the Tweets tha...
October 10, 2016
Short, funny quips on life .... NOT for those offended by swearing!!!
I had heard of Sh*t My Dad Says , but never quite gotten around to it. Wasn't sure that it was my kind of book, but it sounded funny. I recently listened to the audio in an attempt to lighten my reading after several creepy /...
July 06, 2010
On Today’s Hairstyles
“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”
On Canine Leisure Time
“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”
January 16, 2016
Politically incorrect, irreverent, with a liberal smattering of profanity, vulgar at times but oh so funny. Probably many of us know someone just like Justin's dad, a truthful, no holds barred type of person but with a very big heart underneath. A man who when it really counts will do, anything f...
January 18, 2016
2016 Genre Challenge : Non-Fiction
This book was funny, or it had some laugh out loud moments.... But I think I went into expecting something a little different. I guess reading the blurb, I thought it would be about a twenty something guy living with his seventy four year old father and the antic...
May 13, 2010
To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distracti...
September 01, 2016
How fabulous was that?!
I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn't expecting it to be so touching.
I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick. A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person. Though he is really direct, I was...
October 13, 2012
On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time
“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”
When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days...
May 23, 2016
“Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”
This is Sam Halpern, father of Justin Halpern, the author. He's very blunt and unapologetic.
“I don't need more frien...